


Heartbeats

by SecondFromTheRight



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Barry's POV, F/M, Post-Episode: s01e01 Pilot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 03:39:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17399333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecondFromTheRight/pseuds/SecondFromTheRight
Summary: “I guess because my mom wasn’t around, I used to pay a lot of attention to your parents, and I used to think…that’s what I wanted, you know? That’s what in love looked like. Like…I don’t know, a gold standard or something.” Iris said with a smile that showed her teeth, a slight laugh on her breath.Wiping his face again, Barry tried to reset himself, trying to ignore the part of him that was wondering if he just told her ‘hey, that lightning gave me this power of speed’, she’d believe him automatically, if her thoughts would go where his went, what it could mean for his whole life.Set post-Pilot. Having experienced Barry's heart stopping, Iris struggles to accept he's okay.





	Heartbeats

**Author's Note:**

> This is mostly just me trying to get back into writing the characters again. And I guess that recent pre-canon Westallen scene got me thinking about early stuff again. Such a delight I wasn't expecting.

Barry tiredly opened his door with his head low, hearing Iris before he saw her.

“There you are! Finally.” She announced as she stared at him.

“Iris,” he whispered automatically, taking her in before looking at the space around her, his apartment living room, his kitchen behind her. “What are you…what are you doing here? Is everything okay?” he asked with a concerned frown before closing the door.

“You tell me,” she said with some exasperation, her eyebrows raised and her eyes wide with expectation. “You’ve been gone all night.” She added when he didn’t immediately fill in her wanted answer.

“I…” he trailed off with a shake of his head as he walked towards her, dumping his backpack and jacket down on a chair. “I had to…work.” He finally said. It was almost what he had been doing for the last few hours, technically, having been at the farm for so long with Joe and everyone else.

Iris continued to look at him with the same frustration as she slowly followed him around his couch. “Yeah, I know, dad told me, but should you really be working so soon? And for so long? I mean,” she paused and Barry looked at her as she ran her eyes over him. “Can you… are you okay?” she asked with a frown.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine, Iris.” He gently assured.

The corner of her mouth quirked as she looked away. “I was worried.” She said quietly.

Barry closed the gap between them. “Well you don’t need to be. I’m alright.”

“But you only just woke up.” She whispered, shrugging with one shoulder as she met his eyes again.

“I feel fine,” he promised. Physically at least, he did feel fine. “Better than fine, actually.” He added.

“And you’ve been…checked out? Cleared for work?”

“Uh, yes,” he nodded as he brought his hands together in front of him, curling his fingers against each other. “Everything’s been checked out and I’m okay.” He continued to bob his head as he looked at her. It wasn’t a lie, exactly, he had been checked out, again and again. Maybe even more than he would have been otherwise, but still…he just wanted to tell her everything. But Joe had made him promise not to, and he was probably right, it was safer for her not to know…but god, every part of him just wanted to tell her, show her.

“Okay, if you’re sure.” She gave a small smile.

He blinked out of his thoughts. “I am. I’m…I’m okay.” He said, smiling back at her, watching as hers brightened in response as they stared at each other.

Iris looked away first, biting down on her smile before wetting her lips and Barry followed the movement. He didn’t use his speed but suddenly he started thinking of new ways he could. Not bad guys or people with some new, terrifying power like him, but every day things. Like watching Iris lick her lips. He could slow it down and just… Iris turning slightly pulled him from his moment as she brought her arm up and gestured to the door behind her.

“Uh, I better let you get some rest.” She said.

“Right, yeah,” he stumbled, swallowing his sudden awkwardness. It took him a second to get over his fluster and realise Iris hadn’t moved, still standing in the same spot in front of him. “Are you okay?” he asked, tilting his head slightly as he looked down at her.

“What?” her eyes blinked wide before she shook her head, seeming to gather her own thoughts. “Yeah!” she switched to a nod. “Yeah, totally fine.” She added with way too much enthusiasm for anything that could be ‘totally fine’. And she still didn’t move.

“Do you wanna…stay, for a while? We can hang out?” he offered.

Her causal attitude dropped, her eyebrows furrowed heavily with concern. “No, no, you should get some sleep and I should…let you do that.” She gave a single nod, pressing her lips together as she seemed be telling herself as much as him about what she ‘should’ be doing. Barry certainly didn’t have any doubt about having Iris in his place, especially not if that’s apparently where she wanted to be.

He shrugged, trying to find the casual she couldn’t. “I can stay up for a while. We can catch up some more on what I’ve missed.”

She was quiet for a second as she thought about it. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, of course.” He assured.

“Okay.” She said softly before breaking out in a smile that Barry thought about enjoying every single microsecond of.

 

“Barry.” He heard Iris call, waking him up.

“Yeah?” he answered, sitting up quickly before thinking about it. He turned to her on the other side of the couch, waking up probably. “Yeah, sorry, I guess I drifted off.” He said rubbing at his eyes.

Iris stared at him. “You’ve had a big day – few days… I shouldn’t have woke you, I just…” she trailed off.

“Iris?” he questioned, realising that though she was staring at him like he’d disappear if she dared blink, she was also holding herself away from him, as far away as the couch would allow. “What is it?”

“It’s stupid.”

He frowned at her dismissal. “Come on, it’s me.” He tried, turning and leaning towards her.

“I just…” she trailed off again, her focus falling from him eyes before lifting again. “What if you don’t wake up?” she whispered as she stared at him, the emotion in her eyes stunning him. She swallowed, looking away from him for the first time. “I spent so many hours next to you, calling your name and hoping that’d be the time you’d open your eyes,” she continued as she shook her head. “I guess I just have this…fear that you won’t wake up, that I won’t be able to wake you up.”

“That won’t happen.” He said.

She frowned as she stared down at her lap. “Of course, it’s not like you’ll just fall into a coma again. That’s not how it works.” She gave a forced laugh.

“Not typically, no.” Barry said with a smile, trying to give some warmth.

“I told you it was stupid,” she huffed out, one corner of her mouth turned up. She stood abruptly. “You’re tired, I should go.” She insisted, quickly moving away and towards the door. Where a minute before she couldn’t look away from him, now it was like she couldn’t look at him at all. She was uncharacteristically shy suddenly, not wanting to show herself and what she was feeling to him. He hated that, he hated that she would feel any kind of dislike for herself in front of him, any kind of discomfort about herself.

“Are you working today?” he asked before she reached the door, hoping the simple question would help to calm her down.

“No, actually. Tracy is covering me for so…day off.” She shrugged, seeming a bit more at ease.

“Then stick around, especially if you didn’t sleep last night either,” he offered before he frowned, realising something. “How long have you been here anyway?”

“Uh…a while. Like…most of the night.” She said, her tone lifting in an almost question as she scrunched her nose up.

“You didn’t call me.” Barry stated, wondering why she didn’t just reach out.

“I spoke to my dad, he said you were both at a site and would be for most of the night.” She explained with an easy shrug.

Briefly looking around his place, he wondered how much time she’d spent here all these months. Barry had noticed immediately that Iris and Joe had obviously taken care of the place, and his bills, but now he was thinking about what that had really meant. “But you waited here for me?” he asked.

She bowed her head, her eyebrows raising up and down before she looked at him again. “Like I said, I was worried.” She quietly said with a small smile.

He thought it was an answer that could apply to both last night and any time she had spent here while he hadn’t been around, but he didn’t push to find out. “Hey,” he got up from the couch and made his way over to her. “I’m okay,” he dipped his head to catch her eyes probably before reaching for her hand. “Come on, stay.” He gave a small tug.

Iris looked around at him at the room. “Daytime sleep over?” she joked with a smile.

“Sure, might be fun, right?” he shrugged, grinning back at her.

“Okay,” she accepted. Dropping his hand, she walked past him towards the kitchen. “Hey are things with my dad okay? I asked him – he wouldn’t tell me much but said that you’d talked.” She turned back to look at him as she moved.

“Yeah,” Barry watched her get a glass and turn the tap on, pouring herself a drink. “Yeah, we…talked about it.” He hedged, following her. They did talk about it and he couldn’t talk to her about it. How was he supposed to do this? Keep this all from her?

“I’m sorry he reacted that way. You know my dad, he thinks it’s the best way to protect you.” She said softly as she leaned over the counter and stared at him on the other side.

“I know,” he nodded. He had always known that, but it didn’t make it much easier. Sometimes it made it worse because he couldn’t be angry at Joe, couldn’t hate him or blame him or dismiss his lack of belief in Barry as someone who wasn’t worth it, or as someone who wouldn’t know anyway. “Why did you believe me?” he suddenly asked Iris. “That night. I remember Joe bringing me back to yours and…” he closed his mouth, taking a small breath to try to forget all the memories of that night and only focus on the ones of Iris. “I told you that my dad didn’t do it and you –“

“Said I believed you.” She finished.

“Yeah.” He whispered, meeting her eyes.

“I remember too.” She explained softly.

“Why did you? Believe me.” He clarified.

“You believed it,” she shrugged, like it was that simple. “Why wouldn’t I believe it too? You were smart and honest, like you’ve been our whole lives,” she continued, making Barry look away and bow his head. He wasn’t honest with her now. “And…so was your dad,” she added, taking his attention again. “Every memory I have of Henry is him…warm and loving and happy. I never saw any anger from him, ever. I know considering what my dad does maybe I should think the unexpected about people – and usually I’m open to that, I am, but…” she shook her head. “Henry loved Nora. I knew that, even then. He adored her. Him doing that to her, hurting her in any way…” Iris looked away from him as they both thought the same thing. “That was always more impossible to me than the possible thing you believed you saw.” she said.

Barry nodded, feeling a tear run down at his face that he wiped away.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” She whispered.

“No, it’s…” he said quickly, not wanting her to regret saying any of it. He sniffed, shaking his head before deciding how to explain. “That’s how I remember them too.” He gave a small shrug, a teary smile on his face as he tried to show that he was grateful for her memory of his mom and dad, of her defence of his dad. It had always meant the world to Barry. Not only to have her through it, like he’d had Joe, but to believe him, to think the same as he had, to so easily understand in a way no one else even tried to.

“I guess because my mom wasn’t around, I used to pay a lot of attention to your parents, and I used to think…that’s what I wanted, you know? That’s what in love looked like. Like…I don’t know, a gold standard or something.” She said with a smile that showed her teeth, a slight laugh on her breath.

Wiping his face again, he tried to reset himself, trying to ignore the part of him that was wondering if he just told her ‘ _hey, that lightning gave me this power of speed_ ’, she’d believe him automatically, if her thoughts would go where his went, what it could mean for his whole life. “And that’s how it was with you and Eddie?” he asked instead, feeling something like dread settle into him at the possible answer. But he needed to know.

“Oh,” she raised her eyebrows at him, a teasing smile on her lips as she stood up straight again. “We’re having that conversation?”

He shrugged. “If you want. I didn’t…react that well before. I was just…” he trailed off, looking away from her and taking a small breath. “Surprised, I guess. But if you want to talk about it…I’m here.” He offered, trying to be a good friend. She deserved that from him.

She paused, looking awkward again. “It’s a little weird…talking to you about it.”

“Why?” he asked, trying to stop the possible reasons running through his head. So many of them conflicting with each other. One side full of hopeful, wishful possibilities that said maybe it was because she felt for him, and the other side saying it was because they weren’t close enough and she’d gotten used to life without him.

“Well, it’s a little weird talking to a _conscious_ you about it,” she explained with a light smile. “I told you like, everything about him, about our dates, when I visited you. Sometimes I thought it might be enough to wake you up because you’d want to tell me how silly I was being,” her smile turned small, intimate somehow as she looked down, away from him. “Starting from the start again…feels weird.”

“You thought I’d tell you you were being silly?”

He raised her head again. “For not telling my dad. And…I don’t know. I guess he’s not really my type.” She said obviously, confusing him.

“He’s not?” he asked, again trying to silence all the hope he could feel rushing through him.

She tilted her head, oblivious to his inner conflict. “Well, not at first. I thought he was his face and not much else, you know? Like, he knew how good looking he was and didn’t have to bother with much else of a personality,” she joked before cringing. “Oh god, see, I’m a terrible girlfriend.”

Barry smiled at her, trying not to look too adoringly. “I take it you don’t still feel that way about him.” He questioned, putting his hand on the counter, almost as if to physically balance himself for this conversation.

“He’s really sweet. And…he’s a good guy.” she nodded, sounding more rambling than Iris pretty much ever did. “It’s good.”

Barry nodded, pausing before saying anything. “Good looking, good guy, good…relationship,” he listed, trying not to be mocking but as much as she didn’t typically ramble, Iris was never left wanting for words either. “That’s a lot of goods.” He added with a smile, taking away any sting she might feel.

Iris sighed. “ _I’m_ not good at this.” She said seriously.

“At what?” he asked with a frown.

“It’s kind of my first relationship like this. And I wasn’t looking for one. And…with you being in the coma and my dad not knowing, in a way it’s like he hasn’t really been involved in my life? And I’ve held back because of it,” she shrugged. “Waiting for you to wake up…I wasn’t totally myself without you around. But at the same time, because it was kind of just us…we’ve also kind of gone pretty fast, I think. Like our own bubble.”

Barry stayed quiet, trying to understand, trying to come up with an opinion that was based on reality and not what he wanted to see, wanted to hear. “Do you…” he paused, needing the extra time before asking. “Do you love him?”

“I think so.” She frowned.

He stared at her. “You think so?” he repeated back.

Iris rolled her eyes. “It’s not like I have a great comparison. It feels right, I think.” She nodded.

“You’re happy.” He tried to help summarise for her, but he still couldn’t shut out that part of him that was looking for her to say that it wasn’t Eddie that made her happy.

“Yeah,” she said before lifting her eyebrows. “Honestly, I’m not sure I could have gotten through you being in a coma without him,” she continued. “He let me talk about you. A lot,” she laughed. “I mean,” she gave a shrug as she looked away again. “There’s no…butterflies,” she said, making him frown. “Or like,” she shook her head, trying to find her thoughts – or trying to find how to tell him. Barry stayed quiet, hanging on her every word like most days. “Nervous awkwardness. The crush thing, you know?” she looked back at him. “It’s never really been like that. I guess we…skipped that part”

“No? Isn’t that…” Barry couldn’t help the smile he felt as he thought about Iris, how often he’d had butterflies around her, how often he was nervous around her. Even after so long. “Some of the best part? The way you feel when you see someone you…like, for the first time in a day and it’s…exciting and…runs through your whole body and lasts all day because just seeing that person…” he trailed off as he stared at her, finding her staring back. “Makes it feel like anything could be possible?” he finished with a catch in his throat that he held in.

She blinked at him. “Maybe, yeah,” she said softly, keeping their eye contact across the counter. “But…” she wet her lips, briefly looking away. “Like I said, I didn’t think he was exactly my type. It was getting to know him more that made me interested. So…no lowdown tickle at first sight,” she laughed. Barry looked away, not knowing which thought to focus on, or avoid from what she’d said. That she’d said the words ‘lowdown tickle’ at all and the thoughts that lead to for him? That she was saying she hadn’t had that for Eddie? Or that Barry figured, it wasn’t like she and Eddie weren’t… Well, even if there wasn’t crush feelings, they must have been…together. He closed his eyes, trying to shut it out and think about anything else. “Besides,” she continued, making him open his eyes again. “I don’t think I could have felt that for anyone lately anyway.”

“Why not?” he asked.

She looked at him like he was clueless, tilting her head at him. “Well, because my best friend was in a coma?” she said slowly, narrowing his eyes at him. “Kind of puts a dampener on…general happiness, nevermind the feelgood of a crush.”

He nodded, bowing his head as he leaned on the counter with his hands together. “You missed me?” he dared to ask. He knew she had missed him, but he was deliberately doing what he could to hear it now. She’d said a few things now about how she’d been affected by him being in a coma – a shallow part of him wanted to hear more.

She frowned though still looked at him warmly and he saw it then, how much she cared, even if it wasn’t like he did for her. Moving around the counter, she met him on the other side. “Barry, we’ve had each other our whole lives. Then suddenly…I didn’t have you. Couldn’t talk to you, only at you.” She said with a lift of the corner of her mouth before it faltered. “And every day I worried I’d lose you completely.

Barry smiled back at her. “Well, I’m back now.” He said, trying not to vow it, trying not to promise that he wouldn’t ever go away from her ever again, trying not to tell her that she was the only person that ever had and ever could have him.

She grinned. “Hence me being the super clingy best friend. I hope you’re cool with putting off getting a girlfriend for a while longer because I’d probably be in the way of that moving forward.” She laughed.

“I think I can handle it.” He uttered with a chuckle. As if he could really even think about anybody else, as if anybody else had a chance.

She shook her head. “Okay, enough of this; you really need to sleep.” She insisted.

“You’re gonna stay?”

She looked around the apartment, back towards his kitchen. “Uh, yeah, for a while at least. I’ll…make some coffee.” She said with a smile.

“Okay.” He nodded, finding it hard to walk away from her.

“Do you have any medication to take or…?” she asked.

“No, I’m good.”

She frowned at him. “Seriously? You just got out of a coma.” She said with some amazement.

“And I’m okay. I just need to make sure I’m eating enough.” He half-joked, thinking about how much he’d been eating since waking up.

“Right, yeah, well I’ll make you something to have later when you wake up.” Iris offered.

“Thanks.”

 

He was in a doze when he realised something had changed in the room. “Iris.” He said, seeing her in the shadow of his doorway. His blinds were down but light of the day still came through the sides.

“Barry,” she said with what sounded like a gasp. “Sorry, I was just…checking something.”

He peered at her. “Checking what?” he asked with sleep in his voice.

She stood there, one hand on the handle like she was ready to leave. “That you’re still alive.” She said numbly.

“Iris.” He whispered in an immediate reason.

“I’m sorry.” She said in a rush as she turned.

“Iris, wait,” he called, leaning up on his elbows. “Come here.”

He saw her sigh rather than heard it, her body slumping as she walked towards his bed. “I’m sorry, Barry, it’s just…” she shook her head. “Your heart stopped. Over and over. And I saw it happen. And afterwards…there were monitors, you know? And there were people who could help you if something went wrong and now…” she stopped, inhaling a breath but didn’t continue.

Balancing on one elbow, Barry reached out for her wrist, pulling her closer until she kneeled on the mattress beside him, lowering herself so she was sitting on her heels. He didn’t let go, instead placing her hand on his chest like he had after he’d woken up and gone to find her. “Still beating.” He said like he had then.

“Still fast,” she whispered. “Though not as fast as before.” She said in a daze as she stared down at her hand.

“Well, I was asleep.” He joked, doing everything he could to stop his body from reacting to her and his heart speeding up as a result.

She turned her eyes to him, frowning. “Sorry.” She said in a way that was both a rebuke of herself as well as put down of his joke. It was a move that was a lot more familiar to him, a lot more Iris than the way she’d been so unsure of herself just moments before.

“Come on, get in.” he said with a nod of his head, gesturing her to come even closer.

She looked at him sceptically, lifting her eyebrows, but he could see the smile starting too. “A real sleepover?”

Shrugging, Barry leaned back against the pillows again. “It’s been a while since we had one.”

She stayed still for a second, obviously thinking it over, before she let out a laugh and rolled her eyes. “God, I guess it really is a good thing there isn’t a girlfriend,” she said as she started to lie next to him, flipping her hair back before fully lying down. “I have a feeling she probably wouldn’t be too pleased with the clingy best friend in your bed.”

“It’s just…” he trailed off, stopping himself from saying ‘ _It’s just you_ ’ like he wanted to. “Us.” He settled on.

She smiled from her place next to him, staring up at the ceiling. “Feel free to tell me how ridiculous I’m being and kick me out whenever you want.” She assured him.

Barry turned onto his side next to her. “It’s fine. Kind of…” he paused, wondering exactly what he could say, wondering what he could say that wouldn’t lead to ruining it or scaring her away or having a whole other conversation he wasn’t ready for. “Nice, actually.”

“Yeah,” she turned her head, smiling at him, her eyes bright in the dim light, before fully turning on her side like him, facing him. “It kinda is.” She whispered, her eyes running over his face.

He risked taking her hand again, putting it back on his chest. “Just like an EKG.” He said, keeping his hand over hers.

Iris giggled but she didn’t take her hand away. “That’s got to be the least accurate scientific thing you’ve said in your life,” she wet her lips, turning serious. “But thanks, Barry.” She whispered.

Staring back he tried not to focus too much on the fact that Iris West was in his bed and tried to show he understood instead. “If it had been you, if something had happened to you and you’d been in a coma… I’m not sure I’d ever leave your side again.”

She gave another intimate smile where the corners of her mouth turned up, something emotional and personal on her face, something aimed at him. He swallowed, trying to make himself remember that she’d feel if his heart suddenly sped up faster than it already was, she’d feel if he got butterflies, or got nervous and excited, or got any of those crush, or what he thought were love, reactions. He couldn’t imagine not reacting that way towards her.

As Iris tapped her fingers lightly against him, hitting every quickened beat of his heart, he thought he’d gotten through his first real day of not telling her about this whole new life it seemed he was about to have. Maybe that was the only way he could do it, taking it one day at a time, trying to involve her in what he could. Maybe she didn’t know how fast he could move now, but she did know his heart was beating faster. She didn’t know what had happened tonight, how close he had come to being hurt, again, but she was here worrying about him and making sure he was okay. It had to be enough for now.

And he’d saved her, he thought, pressing her hand against his chest even more, anchoring himself to her. She was safe because of what he could do now. He closed his eyes, letting out a breath as he relaxed with her next to him. And now maybe he could save his dad and he knew Iris would be with him for every second of it, even if she didn’t know exactly how he was experiencing seconds these days. Her belief in him, her support is what would get him through it.

“I’m glad you’re here, Iris.” He whispered, not opening his eyes, thankful for being able to say something that was so simply true.

Her counting stopped, her fingers stilling and he felt her looking at him. He heard her take a breath like she was going to say something before she was quiet again. “Me too.” she finally said.

Barry nudged forward, shifting closer to her. His eyebrows furrowed slightly as he made the effort to keep his eyes closed and not give into the want to just stare at her. He adjusted his hand clasping hers on his chest, his arm crossed over hers in a tangle.

He breathed out fully when she started tapping his heartbeats again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> <https://secondfromtheright.tumblr.com/>


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